I have many shortcomings and faults, but I do not give up on myself. For others who I consider works in progress, I have hopes for reconciliation and try again, unless I realize there is nothing possible for me inter personally to do constructively to resolve issues within reasonable measures. In those cases, I maintain social distance, and I try to do better the next time, just as I do with an unsatisfactory art work I have created.
God knows what he has created. He doesn’t make mistakes, or does he? Perhaps he intended for us to refine each other and to evolve our souls and lives so that we would have the satisfaction of feeling better because we have made the choice to become better, assisted by the help of friends and others in our lives, creating a bond that unites us socially in a satisfactory way.
In this blog there are many grammar errors, poor wording, and an incomplete list of gradations of the levels of the need for and methods of modifying another’s behavior. I keep proof reading and rewriting to improve it. There is a point at which I must stop trying to improve it. You may see obvious errors in the message content or other problems I can not see myself. I appreciate those who let me know my mistakes in a constructive way, but there is not time to dwell too long on its imperfections or any you see in me.
In behavior modification, it is virtually impossible not to change yourself while engaged in the attempt to influence desired change(s) in others. The resulting behaviors of both interacting may be worse than before. We are changed by the people we love because love is the most powerful instrument of change process.
However, I keep on working at becoming a better person. Shouldn’t we all? It is just more difficult for some than others to improve because we all have different resources to use and problems to cope with. It is very difficult when others would prefer you to fulfill their negative projections and expectations, low balling, rather than having high hopes for evolving your social ability positively.
Groups ironically and historically need to have scapegoats. Groups also have their ins and their outs. For instance the saying, “Clue her in” or “She’s clueless”, or “Clue her out” ... Mankind’s history is a violent one. It seems that by now we would have learned how to coexist peacefully, but the news on TV indicates we haven’t achieved that level of civilized behavior.
SomeYahoo groups have lost valuable members due to interpersonal personality conflicts. I have worked a lifetime in organizations, in both social and business groups, and by now must have experienced directly and personally almost every interpersonal conflict imaginable or that others can contrive.
It was necessary to analyze a variety of interpersonal behaviors along the way in order to understand my own behavior better and that of associates and acquaintances.
Often self improvement was needed or sensed that the group had problems within its organization borders, coping with interpersonal conflicts counter productively negatively affecting the groups quality of existence.
How do we create better mirrors to reflect where behavior should change either in ourselves or others so that the result is a higher performing and more productive person in their interpersonal relationships? It is a challenging problem to eliminate group social conflicts and alleviate interpersonal friction.
There is a difference in degree and resulting effects of methods used to evaluate each other and influence desired change. Changes desired are identified according to subjective assessments made by person(s) who may or may not be qualified to critique another.
When it is not an I'm OK, your OK situation, behavior modification is required by one or both participants or all participants in a group according to the scale of need for reducing friction and social conflicts. I have created the following analytical progression of severity from bad to ideal behavior modification to prevent validly perceived poor social performance and to facilitate mutual improvements inter personally.
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List items presented in the order of least effective to most effective mode of modifying an other's behavior to an other's expectations and standards of improvements . We both know individuals differ in the manner they deliver or treat another individual inter personally whether it be in or out of a group.
Group psychology is a little more difficult than just meeting and making a new friend(s). It is the science of politics, and I lack training and experience needed in that science. I am even very poor performer socially. I believe it developmental to identify fault correction methods and their effectiveness.
1 Faults invented such as falsely labeling overtly, covertly, or subversively an other who is unwelcome in the group because of personal attributes.
2 Fault dwelling and focusing so as to dismiss the persons strengths and contributions discouraging and suppressing their active participation while encouraging others.
3 Fault ridiculing another to suppress them from participation and denigration of them.
4 Fault seeking with intent to harm.
5 Fault finding as casual observation.
6 Criticising excessively versus when justified.
8 Giving feedback harshly and mean spirited.
9 Giving feedback kindly and generously.
10 Giving feedback when asked and responding as a friend.
11 Acceptance partially of an individual despite his shortcomings.
12 Acceptance unconditionally appreciating the individual. Reinforcing their unique contribution with no need for change.
Every individual has something that justifies their valuable presence positively and uniquely in life.
What level would you judge you practice? What level do you judge groups you know about when assessing their internal interpersonal effectiveness? I know I need to improve, do you, or an organization you belong to?
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