Here is a revised/revamped version of the initial poem that received criticism because its meter didn't conform to standards.
Writing poetry with stressed/unstressed syllables and adhering to the 6 types of feet and meter loses spontaneity and is much more difficult ... I don't think it is as enjoyable but it is good to know what others expect in a poem whether Ido it or not ....
Question of Good & Bad
Beggars, cheats, liars, thieves...
Their deficit behavior is sad,
Loss, damages, cause grieves...
Pray they change their life, not be SO bad.
Good, bad, can be unclear,
Sound judgment does decide the clean choice,
Sane work, honest career,
Surely strengthen love, honor, truth’s voice.
(© Yolanda Martin December 2010)
trochee, catalectic trochee, trochee, catalectic trochee ... 4 feet tetrameter
iambic, iambic, iambic, iambic, catalectic trochee .... 5 feet pentameter
iambic, iambic, iambic .... 3 feet
trochee, trochee, catalectic trochee, trochee, trochee ....5 feet pentameter
catalectic trochee, catalectic trochee, iambic, iambic ..... 4 feet tetrameter
iambic, iambic, iambic, iambic, catalectic trochee...... 5 feet pentameter
iambic, iambic, iambic........3 feet
trochee, trochee, catalectic trochee, trochee, trochee .... 5 feet pentameter
**********
Poem in its original form below
************
Question of Good & Bad
Writing poetry with stressed/unstressed syllables and adhering to the 6 types of feet and meter loses spontaneity and is much more difficult ... I don't think it is as enjoyable but it is good to know what others expect in a poem whether Ido it or not ....
Question of Good & Bad
Beggars, cheats, liars, thieves...
Their deficit behavior is sad,
Loss, damages, cause grieves...
Pray they change their life, not be SO bad.
Good, bad, can be unclear,
Sound judgment does decide the clean choice,
Sane work, honest career,
Surely strengthen love, honor, truth’s voice.
(© Yolanda Martin December 2010)
trochee, catalectic trochee, trochee, catalectic trochee ... 4 feet tetrameter
iambic, iambic, iambic, iambic, catalectic trochee .... 5 feet pentameter
iambic, iambic, iambic .... 3 feet
trochee, trochee, catalectic trochee, trochee, trochee ....5 feet pentameter
catalectic trochee, catalectic trochee, iambic, iambic ..... 4 feet tetrameter
iambic, iambic, iambic, iambic, catalectic trochee...... 5 feet pentameter
iambic, iambic, iambic........3 feet
trochee, trochee, catalectic trochee, trochee, trochee .... 5 feet pentameter
**********
Poem in its original form below
************
Question of Good & Bad
Beggars, cheats, liars, thieves...
Their deficit behavior is sad,
Loss, damages, our grieves...
Will they change their life, not be so bad?
Good and bad unclear,
They did not understand the good choice,
They need honest career,
They need to know love and hear truth's voice.
(© Yolanda Martin December 2010)
**********************
My reply to a reviewer disliking my poem ....
***********************
You obviously are more talented and professional in your writing than I. I
simply write conforming the syllable counts in each line to agree with a
design repetitive pattern for the stanza, but perhaps I need to consider the
accent of those syllables also. I intentionally sometimes change the counts
per line but there is symmetry in the stanza when changed. I do add rhyme
because it is an assist to channeling thought communications ... to present
a thought that is troubling me in some way, whatever I feel compelled to
share via the framework of verse which imposes limitation of words suitable
to use, is my primary reason for writing, and thank goodness I have no need
seek approval from others since it is merely a leisure pursuit (but helpful and kind review critiquing is certainly appreciated for your gift of timeand self).
Mathematics and computers, my life career, uses a different set of skills
than those of creative writing (I never liked or did well in English which should
come as no surprise to you .... but I could improve, as could we all (perfection is rarely attainable)....)
I too dislike post-modern poetry but lack sophistication to do classical.
Walt Whitman among many other America poets are my choice of poetry reading. I especially like Maya Angelou's poetry, and I think if she were to judge my poem she would have different remarks to say than yours and in great contrast ....
My poetry expresses my emotions, thoughts, and present creative writing
skills and most poems result in less than 30 minutes time. I write when I
feel motivated to put something in poetry form limited by time, current
knowledge, and abilities. For me it is a catharsis experience that improves
my thinking about whatever is being expressed in the poem versus other
writing I do, written as narrative prose, essays, and documentations. It is
safe to agree that in your opinion this poem is a flop..... well let's see one of yours or do you just read other's?
I am trying to cope my deep feelings of loss from a recent theft of one my
valuable Pekingese puppies that I have invested much love, care, and time
while a member of my home, feelings of loss are troubling me now. I have
also had my home burglarized more than once, a victim of identity theft more than once, been lied to too many times, and been cheated too many times.
There are always beggars around wanting me to give them something. The city, county, state, and country in which I live is becoming more populated with desperate people and crime is on the increase while budgets for law enforcement, education, and gainful income have decreased.
If poetry and literature arts are viewed as the writer's way of expressing their feelings, thoughts, healing, or improving their own writing where ever that may presently be on the writer's scale towards perfection, then it a positive exercise, a learning exercise, and should also be a satisfying mental exercise. It should be read and received as such if shared.
The Shakespeare quote ...
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and
friend, And borrowing dulleth edge of husbandry."
Could be expressed as " Neither a beggar nor thief be, For act oft loses
both itself and friend, And the taking dulleth edge of humanity...." ?????
************ what the reviewer of the poem wrote ****
From an aesthetic point, I'd urge you to rework this poem with an ear for prosody to accompany your rhyme. You're often flopping between iambic and
trochaic meter, and it's a bit jarring. This piece doesn't have the intense
sensual imagery that might lend it a post-modern intrigue in the absence of
meter, and the post-modern trends that abolished meter in poetry have
disdained didactic, lecturing poetry regardless.
Thematically, doing the right thing is harder than you let on. It's hard, for example, for poor people to balance between their need for transportation& society's demand that they carry auto liability insurance. Plenty of parentswould rather be beggars, cheats, liars, and thieves than see their children go hungry.
I've long thought the primary loss of innocence most of us experience is the
moment when we realize that doing the wrong thing can be fun. Up until that
point, it's hard for the innocent to understand why anyone chooses to be bad. In my recent memory, The Mist is a fantastic film for illustrating how reasonable, good-natured people can fail to see goodness and truth. Nor am I convinced that knowing right from wrong is the key to virtuous behavior. The Apostle Paul lamented that the he does the evil he does not want to do. I don't think beggars, cheats, liars, and thieves fail to understand what they're doing is wrong. I think it's an essential part of being human that we often understand right from wrong, yet still choose to do evil from time to time.
***************
My reply to the above point of view which blurs good and bad conduct
****************
Yes .... true good, versus true bad, is sometimes not within the scope of
our ability or right to judge .... it is as difficult as knowing Truth
versus Error/False and sometimes exceeds the span of time interval we limit
it to and in which it can be validly judged... There are laws created, and I
believe they should be obeyed .... Stealing is a crime even if one
rationalizes and commits the crime for a greater good they feel justifies
the crime.... there are alternatives more law abiding than stealing to solve
one's problems. Stealing just happens to be the most expedient one unless
caught and prosecuted.
Good, like truth, has many faces and one must seek the center and soul of
the act first before judging, and then that it is only possible for others
greater than ourselves. Morality, ethics, and cultural customs existing in
a diverse population presents a challenge to government's ability to ensure
our safety and security, personally for self and our dependents within our
community. I live in a state with a high number of illegal immigrants and
what is legal and illegal seems to be ignored.... crime must have
consequences .... one must not choose the criminal (illegal) way.
My reply to a reviewer disliking my poem ....
***********************
You obviously are more talented and professional in your writing than I. I
simply write conforming the syllable counts in each line to agree with a
design repetitive pattern for the stanza, but perhaps I need to consider the
accent of those syllables also. I intentionally sometimes change the counts
per line but there is symmetry in the stanza when changed. I do add rhyme
because it is an assist to channeling thought communications ... to present
a thought that is troubling me in some way, whatever I feel compelled to
share via the framework of verse which imposes limitation of words suitable
to use, is my primary reason for writing, and thank goodness I have no need
seek approval from others since it is merely a leisure pursuit (but helpful and kind review critiquing is certainly appreciated for your gift of timeand self).
Mathematics and computers, my life career, uses a different set of skills
than those of creative writing (I never liked or did well in English which should
come as no surprise to you .... but I could improve, as could we all (perfection is rarely attainable)....)
I too dislike post-modern poetry but lack sophistication to do classical.
Walt Whitman among many other America poets are my choice of poetry reading. I especially like Maya Angelou's poetry, and I think if she were to judge my poem she would have different remarks to say than yours and in great contrast ....
My poetry expresses my emotions, thoughts, and present creative writing
skills and most poems result in less than 30 minutes time. I write when I
feel motivated to put something in poetry form limited by time, current
knowledge, and abilities. For me it is a catharsis experience that improves
my thinking about whatever is being expressed in the poem versus other
writing I do, written as narrative prose, essays, and documentations. It is
safe to agree that in your opinion this poem is a flop..... well let's see one of yours or do you just read other's?
I am trying to cope my deep feelings of loss from a recent theft of one my
valuable Pekingese puppies that I have invested much love, care, and time
while a member of my home, feelings of loss are troubling me now. I have
also had my home burglarized more than once, a victim of identity theft more than once, been lied to too many times, and been cheated too many times.
There are always beggars around wanting me to give them something. The city, county, state, and country in which I live is becoming more populated with desperate people and crime is on the increase while budgets for law enforcement, education, and gainful income have decreased.
If poetry and literature arts are viewed as the writer's way of expressing their feelings, thoughts, healing, or improving their own writing where ever that may presently be on the writer's scale towards perfection, then it a positive exercise, a learning exercise, and should also be a satisfying mental exercise. It should be read and received as such if shared.
The Shakespeare quote ...
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and
friend, And borrowing dulleth edge of husbandry."
Could be expressed as " Neither a beggar nor thief be, For act oft loses
both itself and friend, And the taking dulleth edge of humanity...." ?????
************ what the reviewer of the poem wrote ****
From an aesthetic point, I'd urge you to rework this poem with an ear for prosody to accompany your rhyme. You're often flopping between iambic and
trochaic meter, and it's a bit jarring. This piece doesn't have the intense
sensual imagery that might lend it a post-modern intrigue in the absence of
meter, and the post-modern trends that abolished meter in poetry have
disdained didactic, lecturing poetry regardless.
Thematically, doing the right thing is harder than you let on. It's hard, for example, for poor people to balance between their need for transportation& society's demand that they carry auto liability insurance. Plenty of parentswould rather be beggars, cheats, liars, and thieves than see their children go hungry.
I've long thought the primary loss of innocence most of us experience is the
moment when we realize that doing the wrong thing can be fun. Up until that
point, it's hard for the innocent to understand why anyone chooses to be bad. In my recent memory, The Mist is a fantastic film for illustrating how reasonable, good-natured people can fail to see goodness and truth. Nor am I convinced that knowing right from wrong is the key to virtuous behavior. The Apostle Paul lamented that the he does the evil he does not want to do. I don't think beggars, cheats, liars, and thieves fail to understand what they're doing is wrong. I think it's an essential part of being human that we often understand right from wrong, yet still choose to do evil from time to time.
***************
My reply to the above point of view which blurs good and bad conduct
****************
Yes .... true good, versus true bad, is sometimes not within the scope of
our ability or right to judge .... it is as difficult as knowing Truth
versus Error/False and sometimes exceeds the span of time interval we limit
it to and in which it can be validly judged... There are laws created, and I
believe they should be obeyed .... Stealing is a crime even if one
rationalizes and commits the crime for a greater good they feel justifies
the crime.... there are alternatives more law abiding than stealing to solve
one's problems. Stealing just happens to be the most expedient one unless
caught and prosecuted.
Good, like truth, has many faces and one must seek the center and soul of
the act first before judging, and then that it is only possible for others
greater than ourselves. Morality, ethics, and cultural customs existing in
a diverse population presents a challenge to government's ability to ensure
our safety and security, personally for self and our dependents within our
community. I live in a state with a high number of illegal immigrants and
what is legal and illegal seems to be ignored.... crime must have
consequences .... one must not choose the criminal (illegal) way.
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